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  Is your son a computer hacker? 


Before you get all up in arms about this article, realize this...IT IS, AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN, A JOKE. I posted this in 2004 because it was so freaking hilarious. Now, years later I continue to get e-mails from people who are too dense to understand this. The article below was taken from the long retired, which was known for satirical articles like the one below, COMPLETELY MEANT TO PUSH PEOPLE'S BUTTONS. My co-worker and I laughed for an entire day straight before I posted this, which I did as an attempt to share something that we thought was amazingly hysterical. If you don't think you'll understand the joke about this, move on and find something else to get your undies in a wad about. For anyone else, enjoy the read :-)   So sad that I actually had to explain this, sort of ruins the joke.

Thanks, Ryan
Comment added 4/30/2010

I just read a shocking article where a concerned parent made the horrifying discovery that his son was a computer hacker. Reginald Gibbons and his wife Carol, being modern parents, decided that their children's education would benefit from using a computer. So they purchased a computer and installed many fun application programs such as Microsoft Word and Adobe Photoshop. Imagine their horror when their youngest daughter Cindy, rushed into the room and blurted out “Peter is a computer hacker!”. Well, Reginald started an investigation into the world of hacking. He published his findings in an article in an attempt to help other parents, so they can save their children from the evils of the hacker world.

Here are 10 sure-tell signs that your son is a computer hacker:

  1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs? Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. Beware of these requests to change providers.
  2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing? Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash". If you start finding these kinds of application programs on your computer, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.
  3. Has your child asked for new hardware? Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm as they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking.
  4. Does your child read hacking manuals? There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.
  5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day? If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours.
  6. Does your son use Quake? Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
  7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour? As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.
  8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"? BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone. If your son has installed this program, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive in order to get rid of it.
  9. Has your son radically changed his appearance? If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks.
  10. Is your son struggling academically? If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.

It is equally as shocking to read the comments where people identified as 'l33t sl4shd0ttaz' come to defend their evil hacker ways. Freakin hilarious.



Leave a comment below.


  1. Donnie 3/15/2005 9:45 AM
    your fucking stupid, AOL is crap and it's $30.00 a month, why pay when you could use Juno or Netzero and get more for free, all of those programs are all spyware installed by different companies when you get online, YOU might have been the one that installed them, CPUs have nothing to do with hacking dipshit, AMDs are faster and can handle more than Intel. What the hell is DOSing? Your fucking stupid. Linux is made by hundreds of companies, even IBM. Wow, you have got to be the dumbest fucking person i've ever seen. Linux is an open source OS meaning that anyone can change it.
  2. Ryan Farley 3/15/2005 9:51 AM
    Wow. You know, it would have to take a *real* moron to not realize that this was a joke, wouldn't it?

    Thought so. Your comment makes this post even funnier.
  3. William 4/6/2005 4:46 AM
    wow, i laughed myself silly when i read this. i hope this guy dies in a flaming car wreck if anyone actually believes bull crap like this. I would hope that he never uses the internet again aswell.
  4. The Mentor 5/14/2005 9:23 PM
    Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager
    Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...
    Damn kids. They're all alike.

    But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain,
    ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what
    made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
    I am a hacker, enter my world...
    Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of
    the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
    Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

    I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain
    for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms.
    Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."
    Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

    I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is
    cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I
    screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...
    Or feels threatened by me...
    Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
    Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
    Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

    And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through
    the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is
    sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is
    "This is it... this is where I belong..."
    I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to
    them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...
    Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

    You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at
    school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip
    through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or
    ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us will-
    ing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

    This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the
    beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying
    for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and
    you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek
    after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color,
    without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals.
    You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us
    and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

    Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is
    that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.
    My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me

    I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual,
    but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.
  5. 00000245061289 5/15/2005 5:30 AM
    please die
  6. Ryan Farley 5/15/2005 11:09 PM
    Again, this was a joke guys. But these kinds of comments make this even more funny.

  7. Maul 8/9/2005 10:05 AM
    Actually Ryan, this "joke" has been posted on *real* parenting websites. The person that wrote this is obviously a dumbass, so I wouldn't really pay any attention to everybody that flames him.

    6. Does your son use Quake? Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

    ^ Rofl. I fell out of my chair when I read this :)


    I love your forums anyways, even though most of these fucktards have no concept of thought.

  8. Rick james 8/15/2005 1:56 PM
    rotfl!! your genious!! if you didnt know fucknuts, this is a fake article, or should be considered to be one, that fuck regnold gibbons is a tail gunning retard, who didnt even spell linux right, you are also a peterpuffing ass fucking pinko ;-) learn something retard
  9. Ryan Farley 8/15/2005 2:17 PM
    Wow, these comments will just never stop. But I have to say, comments from people all "heated-up" over this obviously don't get that this is just a joke. The article was never real, it was posted on a site made up of fake stories, just like this one. Honestly, you don't find it the least bit histerically funny? I sure do. I do understand that a lot of people mistake this article for something real and get really upset by it. But to me, that makes it all the more funny. If you think the article was real, the jokes on you. It was meant as a joke article with the sole purpose of pushing peoples buttons. But still, the comments continue...

    Imbeciles. For the last time, the article was a joke. I'm sorry I had to be the one to explain this to you since you weren't quick enough to catch on to this on your own.

    Get over it, move on with your life.

    While the heated comments only make this post funnier, I am officially now ignoring comments on this post. Sorry, you'll have to find some other made up article to get all bent out of shape with.
  10. Rory D 9/21/2005 10:11 PM
    Heh. I remember stumbling over this a couple of years ago. i remember losing faith in humanity about that time too. nice to know some people.. well at least one of the above people still have a sense of humor =)
  11. Mel 10/12/2005 7:25 AM
    I almost died laughing this ! You really cant be serious about this crap ?!

    9.Has your son radically changed his appearance? If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks.

    LMFAO! good one , if you go by this , every Tom , Dick and Harry on the street is a hacker , like seriously !

    This site is a good joke

    - ??l
  12. Spark 11/19/2005 5:53 PM
    I absolutely love this article. For me, the funniest thing was how many people still don't realise it was completely deliberately written like this to be humourous! Even down to small details, such as spelling "linux" as "lunux".

    I cannot believe the amount of people that protested how stupid Reginald Gibbons was in writing this. It's irony like this that really makes me laugh. It does make me lost a little bit of faith in the human race though, and goes to show how many moronic people we have in society.

    Excellent article, not just for the content, but for the reaction. Fabulous!
  13. Ryan Farley 11/19/2005 7:35 PM

    Finally, someone who understands what is *really* funny about all this. I think the reactions to the story are even more funny than the article itself. Hilarious, and I am glad at least someone out there shares the humor with me.

  14. LOL! 11/24/2005 1:16 PM
  15. SubjectX52873M 1/15/2006 7:36 PM
    Umm... Lunix is based off of unix. Not some soviet hacking software.

    And since when did intel have anti-hacking scripts in their processors? I can't even start to explain how much of a pain that would be to actually do.

    I'm joking too ;)
  16. fishbulbben 3/31/2006 2:12 PM

    damn i was pissing myself when i saw this artical.

    what a dumb ass!
  17. joe 4/6/2006 6:51 AM
    this is a joke article right
  18. Ryan Farley 4/6/2006 8:24 AM

    Yes, it is a joke. But I find even more amusing the comments left by people who completely miss that. :-)

  19. shonuff 4/14/2006 8:22 AM
    I read this a few years ago and thought the author was BRILLIANT for putting together something so damn hilarious. It’s also funny to see all these morons calling him an idiot when it’s really them who are amazingly stupid for not seeing the obvious JOKE in it all. It’s too bad most computer geeks have no sense of reality, much less humor, and only see the world as 0’s and 1’s. What they call funny is someone accidentally wiping out all the data on their hard drive, which is more sad than funny. I’m a tremendous computer geek myself, but at least I never lost touch with my human side. Kudos to the author.
  20. Ryan Farley 4/14/2006 8:25 AM

    Finally someone sees what I see ;-)

    I still laugh histerically whenever I come back to read it. Hehe.

  21. Ben 11/10/2006 9:35 PM
    OMG -- I thought this was for real until the crap about AMD and then ... "what the f**k is quake?" i thought it was a first person shooter [lol -that took me a minute] anyway it sounds real, but the writer had spent a little too much time with some guy at microsoft ;)
  22. David D 12/8/2006 7:54 AM
    ahahahhaha whoever thought of this crap, is dumb as hell i love it.
  23. Chris 12/8/2006 8:34 AM
    Haha. I totally agree with you David, this guy is a joke.
  24. Adam 1/19/2007 10:11 AM
    That article was actually a parody.
  25. Ryan Farley 1/19/2007 11:08 AM

    Yes. It definitely is a parody. Which is why I originally posted about it, it is so incredibly funny.

    Even funnier, however, is all the people who think it is serious.

  26. bobo 7/6/2007 5:08 PM
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    User 3 - Pass = 6 alpha upper and lowercase characters
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    User 5 - Pass = 6 alpha upper, lower, number, and special character

    Document what you used and how it worked,
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    Create additional users and passwords as you see necessary
    to test time and ability to crack password.

    #Tools you may find helpful #

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  27. Tommy 8/10/2008 6:57 AM
    LOL. Good joke.
  28. The White Rabbit 8/23/2008 6:36 PM
    Whilst i can see that this is a joke, (a good one at that). Things like lunix (i knew it was not a misspelling because phonetically you cannot misspell linux to be lunix with out doing it intentionally) give it away.

    Though to those who are ignorant of the computer world, may take this article seriously. I have seen this on parenting websites.
  29. Ryan Farley 8/23/2008 8:00 PM
    @The White Rabbit, I agree. The best part of the joke are the ones who take it seriously.
  30. mike 12/12/2008 3:01 PM
    Hey Ryan is this a joke? I couldnt tell by your comments.
  31. Ryan Farley 12/17/2008 8:14 AM

    Yes, for anyone else who is confused by this post. IT IS A JOKE. The original article that these items are from WAS A JOKE. However, the funniest part of the joke are comments by so many who think it is real.

  32. the one 1/7/2009 11:11 AM
    Ryan, the thig i find funny is the fact that you didn't put a disclaimer any where, that would defend your claim to have posted this as a joke in the beginning. So, one is forced now to assume that only after you recieved all these reviews and you realized probably after actually researching the information you wrote, did you begin replying that it was a joke. Because at least to me, you seem real concerned that people will think you are this complete idiot. If your intent was that it was always going to be a joke then you would not have defended your self so, you would have let people go on with how the fact you wrote were bull. But this is just my opinion, everyone has one.
  33. Ryan Farley 1/7/2009 12:19 PM
    Hello "the one",

    Come on, give me a break. Who could read that article and really think it is real? The articles on were known for this sort of humor (writing ridiculous articles posing as real). I am just surprised at how many people can get so bent out of shape about this, and honestly have been surprised at how many people do not see that it was a joke. How on earth could you read the original article on, which has many hyperlinks all through it to porn sites, and not know, or at least suspect, that it is a joke?

    After repeated comments from angry idiots and deleting comments with f-bombs I grew tired of peoples ability to see this as a joke, so yes, I would mention that it was a joke. If you read through the comments on this post you will see that even that wasn't enough for some people to understand. So yes, I would clarify further.

    I am not concerned with people thinking I am an idiot or that I really think that the article is real. I knew that many people would not see the joke and would get angry over it, which is why I posted it here in the first place. My friend and I, when we originally came across the article on, got even more laughs from the commenters on the article than from the article itself. Hence, the posting of it here. Posting that it was a joke in the beginning would have ruined all the fun, wouldn't it. Why would I have wanted to post a disclaimer?

    As funny as I still think it is, I've grown tired of responding to comments and deleting comments from complete idiots on this thread. You're entitled to your own opinion, and my opinion is that I care so little about yours. :-)

  34. Ph1sSi0n 4/19/2009 5:23 PM
    i saw this article before somewhere else before and i lmao, and even more when i saw the comments people left like you said Ryan.
  35. Ryan Farley 4/19/2009 8:45 PM
    @Ph1sSi0n, thanks. Finally someone with a brain. :-)
  36. chrislawd 10/1/2009 4:07 PM
    ha lol i found the original of this document on a site called "jays site" and it had his e-mail on it so i emailed him a nasty, and he replied backsaying i am destroying peoples life hacking things and said he was gona report me to the feds lol this is real funny because i to thought it was real until i read this post but why did that guy from jays site email me back defending the article giving me the idea he was the author this is both funny and confusing
  37. Web developers 10/21/2009 7:39 AM
    That was inspiring,

    This is funny at first i thaught it was serious and then it got stupid with the clothes hahaahahaha

    Keep up the good work
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